Dick Cheney Changes Name to Easter Bunny

Following the recent trend of re-branding as a form of image rehabilitation, aides to to Dick Cheney have announced the former vice-President will be changing his name to “Easter Bunny.”

Blackwater is now Xe. Abu Ghraib has become Baghdad Central Prison. Dick Cheney felt his birth name carried much baggage, associated as it was with the Iraq war, manipulating intelligence, and wiping asses with the US Constitution,” reported an assistant to the former vice-president, speaking on the condition of anonymity because I made him up.

“Now there will be no more ‘Big Dick’ or ‘Darth Cheney’ jokes. He will only answer to those who address him as Easter Bunny–Mr. Bunny and Vice-President Bunny are also acceptable.”

Cheney Bunny wanted to–as much as possible–divorce his public image from the Prince of Darkness identity so many associate with him. Close aides report he had been toying with the idea of adopting a symbol as his name, much as the artist formerly known as, then not known as, but now known again as Prince did.  But when Erik Prince decided to re-brand Blackwater as Xe, Cheney Bunny decided a new name evoking warmth and harmlessness would help re-habilitate his own image.

Lynn Cheney had initially lobbied for “Santa Claus,” as she wished to become Mrs. Claus, but close associates pointed out the anagrammatic implications Santa/Satan would provoke.

Messages requesting comment left at the Cheney Bunny residence had not been responded to at the time of this writing.

As Ye Reap, So Shall Ye Sow

Thanks to the Wall Street crash and resultant economic sphincter clench, the job market is just fucking awful. But if the old saying, “misery loves company” is anything to go by, I’m feeling a touch more cheery upon reading in the Wall Street Journal that close to a whopping 75% of job-seeking former Bush administration officials are still unemployed and look to stay that way for the immediate future:

“This is not a great time for anyone to be job hunting, including numerous former political appointees,” said Carlos M. Gutierrez, Mr. Bush’s commerce secretary. Previously chief executive of cereal maker Kellogg Co., he hopes to run a company again because “I have a lot of energy.”

And I’ll bet that’s 100% methane-derived energy! The WSJ goes on to say:

“Mr. Gutierrez would like to stay in Washington, which he acknowledges could impede his search for a corporate CEO role. “I don’t want to go anywhere” because “public policy makes a difference,” Mr. Gutierrez explained.”

And what a difference his administration made! After all, we went from a state of record surplus at the end of the Clinton administration, to this astounding international clusterfuck. Read more

UK to Westboro Baptist Church: Bugger Off

Prudence wrote earlier this week about plans for a British protest tour by America’s most embarrassing and insensitive religious extremists, the Westboro Baptist Church, led by homophobic self-hating gay in denial, Fred Phelps.

Church members–most of whom are related to Phelps–had apparently planned to make a trip to jolly England to protest a college production of The Laramie Project, a play about the 1998 murder of young Matthew Shepard, who was by killed a couple of ignorant and intolerant assholes because he happened to be born a homosexual.

I guess they’d squeezed all the free publicity they could out of their campaign of demonstrating at the funerals of US soldiers, and decided to cross the pond to piss off the Brits for awhile.

But now the British Home Secretary has told the Phelps Family Circus to bugger off, instructing border agents that the virulent haters are officially banned from entering the country. Read more

My Hunch: Vicki Iseman Totally Fucked McCain

Vicki Iseman has dropped her $27 million defamation suit against the New York Times’s, which targeted the paper’s reporting that John McCain’s advisers had once worried the senator’s close relationship with the lobbyist could create valid public concerns about his ethics.

A friend close to the action on this case told me some time ago that the paper would never retract a word of the story, never pay a settlement, and it would certainly never go to trial.  Had it gone to trial, Iseman would have had to testify under oath about her relationship with McCain, thus opening her private life to public scrutiny.

Now the case has been dropped with no payment, no retraction–only a “Note to Readers” from the NYT pointing out that they never reported Iseman had a romantic relationship with McCain or had entered into an ethical breach of the public trust by doing so, plus a “Joint Statement” from the NYT and Iseman’s lawyers, and a separate statement from Team Iseman.

What’s notable about the contributions by Iseman’s lawyers is that their main focus concerns the privacy rights of individuals who are not public servants.  Now wait–was the New York Times charged with defamation (i.e. making shit up that harms an innocent person) or invading a private citizens personal life?  Oh that’s right, it was the former.

Does Iseman really think that her private life is inviolate to public scrutiny if she is working as a lobbyist and fucking a member of Congress who can legislate benefits to her clients?  Read more

Buttar Me This: The Gays Will Destroy America

Only this man can save America from the scourge of interior design, high fashion, and Liza Minelli. Utah State Senator Chris Buttars believes the “radical gay movement,” as he calls it, is “probably the greatest threat to America going down I know of.”

My first question, obviously, concerns who Sen. Buttar thinks America will be going down on.  Second, have they heard of al Qaeda in Utah? Read more

Sarah Palin: Not Trying to “Hide” Anything, Just Amending Expense Reports to Make It Less Obvious

Sarah Palin’s spinmeisters continue frantically trying to pretend like there was nothing wrong with the Alaska governor’s practice of charging the state a tax-free per diem when she was staying in her own home in Wasilia.

During the campaign, when the charges were first exposed by the Washington Post, Palin explained in an interview to FoxNews: “We would disclose my per diem, we wouldn’t try to hide it.”

Of course she would never try to hide the per diem; that would make it difficult to get paid.  She did, however, amend her expense reports to remove the references indicating she was charging it for days she was staying in her own home.

But she wasn’t trying to hide anything.  Oh no, of course not.  Sweet Sarah would never do something like that.

Just like she would never improperly charge Alaska taxpayers so she could take her kids on trips with her.  Because Bristol, Piper, and Willow represent Alaska on official state business.  Right? Read more

Dr StrangeTits: Or How I Learned To Freak Out And Fear The Bomb

Impressively batty blogger Pamela Geller, a Dogood favorite who is justly famous for opining that Barack Obama’s real father was Malcolm X and that, in fact, Muslims were responsible for the Nazi Holocaust, has a new pants-shitting post about exactly how terrified her readers should be of “IMMINENT” nuclear annihilation. 

As you can see, “if” isn’t taking the subjunctive here! This modern day apocalypse survival guide from the civic-minded and deeply crazy Ms Geller was posted directly below an entry about Yemeni Mujahideen’s claims that Al Qaeda already has a nuclear weapon. Alarming news, and we all know loopy extremists of whatever stripe never lie!

But more about Dr StrangeTits Geller’s hilariously campy survival guide! Read more

From The Annals Of “Too Fucking Late Now, Bitches”

Bill Seeks to Punish Those Who Mislead into War

U.S. Rep. Walter Jones, R-N.C.,  introduced legislation that would impose fines or prison time on presidents or executive-branch officials who “knowingly and willfully” mislead Congress to gain authorization to use U.S. military forces. The Executive Accountability Act was introduced last week and is co-sponsored by Rep. Neil Abercrombie, D-HI. If passed, the act would apply only to current and future presidential administrations and executive branches. The act calls for fines or up to 10 years in prison for leaders found guilty of misleading Congress in order to get authorization to go to war.
If this bill is such a good idea, what’s wrong with making it retroactive? Or is accountability only for Dems?

She’s Baaaack! Batshit Bachmann Rides Again

Perennial Dogood favorite, Rep. Michele “Batshit” Bachmann, the only true heir to former Florida Representative Kitty Harris’s crown ‘o crazy has returned from obscurity to insert both of her manicured feet into her capacious mouth by boldly stating that “we’re running out of rich people”. [Audio below]

Could that have anything to do with the Republican-sponsored financial crisis? Or is it more an indication of Bachmann’s empty campaign coffers?

When not channelling Joe McCarthy or promoting creationism in schools, Michele Bachmann likes to bunk off work. But don’t take my word for it, gentle reader, you may ascertain this fact for yourself by viewing the video of the House Financial Services committee hearings. Watch carefully, Bachmann is comprehensively missing in action during the SEC/Bernie Madoff hearings and the TARP hearings. Which is odd seeing as it’s her only committee duty.

Which all makes one wonder where she’s getting her financial information from. Bird augury, perhaps? Steve Benen at the Washington Monthly examined her latest outpouring of loon and noted her parroting of these GOP talking points: Read more

Anti-Onan Activists Fight to Define True Origins of Life

High on Jesus and news that North Dakota’s House of Representatives just passed a bill effectively outlawing abortion, a dedicated group of Pro-get-a-real-Life activists has decided to relocate the headquarters of their anti-Onanism campaign to Bismarck.

“We commend the North Dakota legislature for defining a fertilized egg as a human life deserving of all the rights and responsibilities conferred therein,” said Jebediah Bate, co-founder and president of SPLASH (Self-Pleasuring Leads All to Self-Harm), in a prepared statement.

“But our political leaders need to realize that human life begins before fertilization. Every seed spilled though self-manipulation or coitus interruptus is prevented from fulfilling its god-given purpose in the great swim meet of life.”

“It is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord our God and should be outlawed.” Mister Bate told me in a phone interview. “America was founded as a Christian nation, after all.”

Mister Bate conceded the holy smiting of death God visited upon Onan might be considered too medieval for modern times by some, but suggested a light stoning could be an adequate punishment for the criminal rubbing of knob.

Only Uncle Sam Can Save This Economy

Law and Order SVU Shows Topless Transgender Teen

Something kind of strange happened on Law and Order SVU last night. I’m not an uptight prude, nor do I think NBC should face any kind of punishment or reprimand, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they got some moralist blowback for showing a transgender teenage character topless.  The trans thing confuses the issue, but some could argue they’re pushing a murky envelope into the realm of child porn. Read more

Sarah Palin Owes Back Taxes!

Chronic Tax Confusion Syndrome (CTCS) has claimed another victim–Sarah Palin!

CTCS, a non-fatal illness closely related to Spiro Agnew Disease (SAD), has maintained a relatively stable infection rate for decades, until a recent outbreak struck down Tom Daschle, Nancy Killefer, and critically undermined Timothy Geithner.

Symptoms include confusion, anxiety, involuntary sphincter clenching, and in the most severe cases, loss of cabinet appointments.

Like the death of honey bee colonies and the mysterious disappearance of acorns, experts have been hard-pressed to determine the factors driving the latest outbreak.  Ron Paul is citing the harmful effects of global warming, but most experts theorize CTCS lays dormant until the affected victim actually does some maths, or has it done for them by the media.

The latest news indicates Sarah Palin became vulnerable to infection as a result of all those daily per diems she charged the taxpayers of Alaska while she was staying in her own home in Wasilia. Read more

Michelle Malkin And Her Swastika Pals

Indeed, gentle reader, your eyes do not deceive you, that really is prejudice-addled Filipino anchor-baby, Michelle Maglalang Malkin mugging for the camera at an anti-immigration rally in Colorado with someone whom Progress Now Colorado has:

“… dubbed “Swastika Guy,” owing to the sign he carried right onto the stage with State Senator Josh Penry, Congressman Mike Coffman, Colorado GOP Chairman Dick Wadhams, State Senator Dave Schultheis, former Congressman Tom Tancredo, and Independence Institute president Jon Caldara, among others. None of whom did anything about it, and in fact one person defended the guy to one of our people saying that the swastika is not a Nazi symbol, but an honored Native American symbol.”

Which I’m sure is exactly the meaning Swastika Guy and his xenophobic asshole friends were trying to confer by replacing the “o” in Obama’s name. The staggering irony here is that Tancredo and rest of his half-witted white supremacists pals don’t seem to grasp that absolutely everyone except the Native Americans are immigrants to this country. Read more

The War For America’s Homes

The annual World Press Photo winner was shot by the American photographer Anthony Suau for Time magazine. It is from a portfolio entitled “The American Economy: Down and Out”, and you can view Suau’s complete slideshow here. From the World Press Photo site:

“The picture shows an armed officer of the Cuyahoga County Sheriff’s Department moving through a home in Cleveland, Ohio, following eviction as a result of mortgage foreclosure. Officers have to ensure that the house is clear of weapons, and that the residents have moved out.”

It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking photo, and to me, it resonates with echos of the external wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. At first, it appears to be classic war photography, monochromatic and tense, but upon closer inspection, it’s obvious that this is America. The officer, who may well have served his country overseas, is both threatened and threatening, with his weapon drawn to protect himself against the unknown. The battleground is someone’s home and their recent eviction from it has made it a slum, ready pickings for drug addicts and vagrants, but also for other homeless people who have themselves been evicted from their homes. Ultimately, it is a tragic reminder of the human cost of the financial collapse, and of our society’s failure to safeguard our citizens from not only their folly and poor math skills, but, more importantly, from the greed and boundless avarice of Wall Street criminals like Richard Fuld and Bernie Madoff, for whom there can never be enough profit, no matter what the cost.

Scientology Bozos Blame 9/11 On Shrinks: TV Edition!


Scientologists Try to Explain how Psychiatrists caused 9/11 and the Holocaust from Chris Doyle on Vimeo.

Constance recently wrote an excellent post about Scientology loons who not only believe that we’re filled with the souls of exploded aliens, but that psychiatrists are responsible for 9/11! The video Constance posted about was, one assumes, removed from Youtube by the veritable army of lawyers employed by the cult of $cientology, but I’ve now found it on Vimeo and wanted to share it with you, gentle reader, as well as Constance’s hilarious, patented guide to their krazy. You can literally, as our beloved VP Joe Biden would say, taste the insanity:

“In an interview on a Florida Scientologist’s local cable-access TV show, David Figueroa, the president of Florida’s branch of the Citizen’s Commission on Human Rights (a Scientology front group focused on discrediting psychiatry) and former CCHR-International president Dennis H. Clarke assert that Ayman al-Zawahiri, a physician and trained surgeon, is actually bin Laden’s psychiatrist. They blame Zawahiri for using psychiatry to transform bin Laden into an international terrorist. Read more

Westboro Baptists To Experience British Definition Of A “Twatting”

Hate-filled picket-enthusiasts and general nutburgers, the Westboro Baptist Church aka the Phelps Family Circus, are headed to the U.K.! Which is kind of ironic seeing as America was originally Merrye Olde England’s repository for uptight religious maniacs who hated dancing, music, theater and almost all forms of unPuritan fun, and I’m pretty sure the Brits don’t want any of them back. But, in the spirit of trans-Atlantic cooperation, I wish the batty Phelps family luck! That sceptred isle possesses not only some impressively draconian libel laws, but also an intense dislike of shouty, intolerant ass-hats. And, while the Limeys don’t have guns, they need only a half-way decent reason and/or a soccer ball to start doling out some random violence, or what they like to call “a twatting” [see: Dictionary For Modern Times

The vid above provides a fascinating, if bizarre, look at some of America’s most famous loons. It comes courtesy of the BBC and brilliant British documentarian-comedian Louis Theroux.

Britain’s Daily Telegraph received this hilariously poorly spelt and punctuated response from WBC spokesnut Shirley Phelps-Roper about their plans to protest outside a school play in Basingstoke, Hampshire.

“Considering that your nation has tried in many ways, including with draconian laws to shut up the Word of God from OFF your landscape, and to make it a crime to plainly say what the STANDARDS of GOD are, (e.g. THOU SHALT NOT lie with mankind as with womankind, it is abomination or THOU SHALT NOT commit adultery, etc.) that I will not be telling any details of our business to get where we need to be.” Read more

Who Needs Big Government?

This Day in Duh: Cheney Pushed Bush to Pardon Libby

The New York Daily News announces a big “exclusive” today with the headline: “Ex-VP Dick Cheney outraged President Bush didn’t grant ‘Scooter’ Libby full pardon.”

Well, duh. Read more

A Dictionary For Modern Times

Twat

Noun:

1. The female genitals. [1600s]

2. A contemptible person, an idiot.

Verb:

To hit, to thump. E.g.”I twatted him before he had chance to twat me.”

Etymonline tells us:

Twat: 
1656, of unknown origin. A general term of abuse since 1920s. Read more

Sherrif Joe Arpaio: A Folly of Ego

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s self-publicized prisoner march in Phoenix, in which 220 shackled illegal immigrants were escorted at gunpoint through city streets, instead of being transported by bus to their new temporary home in Tent City.

The sheriff issued a press release in advance to alert the media there would be an accessible spectacle for news cameras to film, thus unsuring he got plenty of attention for what at least one member of Maricopa County’s Board of Supervisors called an obvious “publicity stunt.”

It appears the stunt may come back to bite his fat ass, since four members of the House Judiciary Committee have requested the Justice Department and the Department of Homeland Security to investigate questionable practices by the overly-media-friendly police official. Read more

Fighting Negative Muslim Stereotypes: Ur Doin It Rong

Aasiya Z. Hassan, 37, the estranged wife of a Muslim television executive, was found dead on Thursday at the offices of Bridges TV in Orchard Park, N.Y., near Buffalo. Mrs Hassan feared for her life after filing for divorce last month from her abusive husband, her attorney stated. She was found beheaded Thursday in his upstate New York television studio. Her husband, Muzzammil Hassan, 44, has reportedly been charged with second-degree murder after walking into a police station and turning himself in.

While it’s tempting to see this as a Muslim crime, domestic abuse is a universal human condition which transcends class, race, and religion, and one which we who consider ourselves civilized must fight to end. I encourage you, gentle reader, to light a candle, rather than rail against the darkness by donating to a domestic violence shelter or legal service such as this one.

Wingy God-Botherers To Rebrand With Cuddlier, Less Hateful Image

Following in the footsteps of other post-fiasco re-branding exercises like those of WorldCom, Voicestream and ValuJet, the shrieky god-botherers also known as the “Moral Majority” are hoping to come across less like the bigoted, anti-civil rights loons they really are, and more like, well, Christians.

“There is an ongoing battle for the vocabulary of our debate,” said Gary Bauer, president of American Values. “It amazes me how often in public discourse really pejorative phrases are used, like the ‘American Taliban,’ ‘fundamentalists,’ ‘Christian fascists,’ and ‘extreme Religious Right.’ “ 

I really can’t imagine why. I mean they’re such loving, inclusive types. However, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a (lame) duck: Read more

ABC’s Radar Blog Fabricates Sarah Palin Quotes

Sarah Palin has successfully crafted a strong public image as a social conservative diva–all God-n-Guns, with a dash of blindly ignorant golly gee charm popularized by the George W. Bush School of Political Leadership and Winning Elections.

Her opposition to sex education for young people suffered a troubling dose of reality last year in the form of her own unwed and pregnant teenage daughter, Bristol.

I thought this morning that the meteorologist in hell must be forecasting snow, after reading on ABC’s Radar blog that Palin told Greta Van Susteran in an interview broadcast last night that expecting abstinence from teenagers was “not realistic.”  Further, Radar quotes Palin as saying that people need to “get beyond the ideal of abstinence.”

The ABC blogger who wrote the post must have been drunk or devious because Sarah Palin never said those things.

Read more

Secret Service Investigating Marine for Threats Against Obama

The US Marine Corps discharged Kody Brittingham last month after he was arrested in December, charged with the attempted armed robbery of a Jacksonville, North Carolina hotel.

The former lance corporal with the 2nd Tank Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, was allegedly involved in an armed robbery scheme with three other Marines and one civilian, though only one of the other servicemen has been discharged from the military so far.

Now it is being reported that Brittingham is also under investigation by the Secret Service for plotting against President Barack Obama. Read more

Dick Cheney Belongs in Gitmo

David Axelrod, senior adviser to President Obama, appeared on Meet the Press yesterday to discuss the stimulus package, cabinet appointments, and our favorite dark overlord, Darth “Big Dick” Cheney.

Host David Gregory repeated Cheney’s recent criticism of what he branded Barack Obama’s “naive mind-set” that doesn’t grasp that: “The United States needs to be not so much loved as it needs to be respected.”

To paraphrase and expand upon Axelrod’s response to Cheney: ‘After eight years of secretly advocating torture, detaining human beings with unproven ties to bad people in indefinite legal limbo, wiretapping innocent American citizens, falsifying evidence to justify an invasion most of the world opposed, unilaterally pulling out of multilateral agreements, undermining international institutions, denying the scientific reality of global warming while presiding over the nation that contributes the most to causing it…. Now you’re suddenly worried about respect for America?’

Read more

Palin Puff Bio Coming Out Tuesday

The advance news on a forthcoming biography of Sarah Palin reads like it was written by the Alaska governor’s own campaign advisers.  I would expect more from an editor of a celebrity gossip rag like People magazine.

The real dirt on Palin and her family is dark and deep, but Lorenzo Benet reveals just one mild nugget in the pages of Trail Blazer: An Intimate Biography of Sarah Palin. Read more

Such a Great Time to Invest

Moderate Appointed to Head Saudi Religious Ministry (no, really)

After reading reports at the weekend about a reshuffle of Saudi religious officials, the Chairman could not resist the urge to get his Onion on

(Riyadh) SAUDI PRESS AGENCY – Absolute monarch and king-by-divine-right Abdullah Saud al-Saud yesterday wisely made a series of new appointments to the Commission for the Prevention of Vice and Promotion of Virtue (formerly titled the Commission for the Prevention of Vice, Promotion of Virtue and Murder of Infidels).

Hardliner Sheikh Kill’em-al is being replaced as head of the commission by the more moderate Sheikh Flog’em an-Hang’em, Prime-Minister-for-life Prince Saud Abdullah al-Saud announced after attending wedding celebrations for his beloved 10-year-old grand-daughter. The changes will institute a new era of greatness for the ministry, he said.

While Sheikh Kill’em-al favored mass executions by stoning and beheading, the new moderate minister Sheikh Floq’em is thought to favor moderation — individual executions by hanging.

“These changes will bring new blood to the ministry,” government spokesman Prince Saud al-Saud Abdullah told our reporter. “The blood of Infidels. By the bucket-load. Now go before I have you beheaded, I mean hanged. And don’t write that last bit down.”

Cheney May Finally Face Consequences for Raping the Environment

Unlike his well-known problems with hunting, Dick Cheney has never nearly killed anyone while enjoying his other outdoor passion: fly fishing.

As Vice-President, however, he helped cause plenty of harm to the innocent little fishes of this great country’s lakes and rivers.

Now finally it looks like Darth Cheney may be suffering some embarassing consequences for advocating a policy of environmental rape.

After news leaked out that the American Museum of Fly Fishing had invited Cheney to speak at their annual fundraising dinner at the New York Angler’s Club in March, museum officials faced an avalanche of “are you f*cking kidding?” outrage from their community of dedicated nature lovers. Read more

Sen. Gregg Forgets to Live Free or Die

With no obvious tax problems, illegal immigrant housekeepers, or hooker problems, why has Sen. Judd Gregg (R-NH) withdrawn himself from the Commerce Secretary nomination?

He says it’s because his fiscal conservatism just couldn’t swallow the spending involved in the stimulus bill.

“I think there was a tactical error made … in that you allowed the appropriators to write the package,” said Gregg.

But that contradicts recent statements he made when the stimulus bill was more bloated by spending initiatives.

Bipartisan investigators have been dispatched to look for a pair of missing testicles. If you have have any information on the whereabouts of Sen. Gregg’s shriveled balls, please contact the Capitol Police. Read more

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Lone Wolf

Government officials have finally confirmed the accuracy of a report we told you about last month regarding the Obama-hating white supremacist in Maine who possessed a cache of materials appropriate for assembling a dirty bomb.

Of course they’re downplaying the potential danger James Cummings could have posed to the American public.

The Bangor Daily News reports the state’s Public Safety Commissioner Anne Jordan said of the depleted uranium, thorium, 35 percent hydrogen peroxide, lithium metal, thermite, aluminum powder, beryllium, boron, black iron oxide, and magnesium ribbon that were reportedly discovered in the Cummings residence–along with instructions on how to assemble a dirty bomb:

“I’ve been told by federal officials that the items seized could be purchased legally and that there was not sufficient quantity or quality to pose an immediate threat or hazard to the health and safety of the public.”

(Stress: immediate threat)

A spokeswoman for DC’s Washington Regional Threat Assessment Center told BDN, from her perspective, the materials linked to Cummings were not indicative of a terrorist network but rather a lone, disturbed individual.

Translation: “Don’t worry. Nothing to see here. Go about your business. Go shopping. Go to Disney World. Nothing to worry about. We got him. Everything’s under control.”

If anyone wants to understand the seductive power of the “lone wolf” theory, I would recommend renting the movie Arlington Road. I’m not trying to say I have any information that Cummings was formulating a terrorist plot in concert with others, only that when government officials want to mitigate public fears in such a situation, they have a strong interest in convincing us that a single crazy bastard–now dead or captured–was solely responsible.

There would be a different tone or response if Cummings had been a foreign Muslim, but he was an all-American Christian, with ties to white supremacists. And we all know they don’t organize into terrorist networks, right?

So really, let’s examine what he could have been doing with all this stuff.  Maine’s Public Safety Commissioner was absolutely correct to say that at no time the seized cache represented an immediate threat to the public.

No, Cummings would have had to mix a few of the ingredients together and assemble things in a certain way first before he had in his racist little hands a MASSIVE IED WITH RADIOACTIVE PROPERTIES. Read more

Bloggers Get No Respect: Dirty Bomb Edition

We’re really sick of journalists who follow up on information they read on unattributable, who then fail to credit us for breaking the story first.

Bloggers respect other bloggers, but it seems like journalists in the old media are embarrassed to admit when they were scooped by someone in pajamas doodling around on their home computer. For example….

A few days before the inauguration last month, a friend sent me a briefing prepared by the Washington Regional Threat Assessment Center that gave some security background on preparations for the big day.

Most of it was boring and seemingly pointless crap about random unrelated crimes and other news. Seriously, what does a report about whooping cough in Pennsylvania have to do with security for the inauguration? An assault with intent to rob in DC?  Doesn’t that happen every day?

It had me thinking of writing a post about how the WRTAC, the DC government’s intelligence fusion center–run by the DC Metro Police Department–was primarily serving the cause of bureaucracy by creating more reports no one would read.

But after wading through a lot of bullshit, I found a gem of an FBI Intelligence Information Report (IIR) about how police in Maine had discovered radiological materials, dirty bomb components, and literature with instructions on how to build one in the home of an Obama-hating white supremacist. His wife had shot and killed the son of a bitch in December after suffering years of abuse, which led to exposure of the cache. Read more

Hush Rush: GOP Strategist Lampoons Limbaugh

The unsurpassed bellow of Rush Limbaugh has earned this recovering drug addict an esteemed position as honorary figurehead of the rich, greedy, sexist, racist rightwing white man demographic of the Republican party.

The self-obsessed son of a bitch has even taken to suggesting that he has become the GOP’s unofficial leader, though some Republicans have been grumbling that Fatty Limbuckle has gotten too big for his XXXL pants.

Now a top Republican strategist has taken the initiative to tell el Rushbo to STFU already before he ruins GOP plans to lie their way into a new public image as a multi-cultural, female-friendly, all-inclusive centrist party.

Read more

Amercans Caint Spel Gud

The British have an inexplicable fondness for the recklessly wanton and superfluous use of the letter U, evidenced by colour, labour, and the UK (ask Northern Ireland about that one).

But the London-based Spelling Society just released results of a survey telling us Americans WE can’t spell.

They just won’t give up their linguistic imperialism until our lorries are taking it in the boot. Read more

Gay Divorce: A Problem of Irreconcilable Sameness

Nation’s Top Bio-Weapons Lab Suspends Ops

USAMRIID, the U.S Army Medical Research Institute for Infectious Diseases at Fort Detrick, MD, is the only place in the American military complex equipped to handle the world’s scariest diseases, namely, those which are incurable and/or airborne.

USAMRIID was also recently in the news as the work place of Bruce Ivins, whom the FBI have determined was the perpetrator of the post 9/11 anthrax attacks. After the FBI investigation and Ivins’ subsequent suicide last August, USAMRIID began a comprehensive accounting of select agents and toxins.

So it’s incredibly alarming to learn that they have suspended operations after discovering “problems” with the system of accounting for high-risk, and therefore high security, bio-materials.

The announcement was made by the facility’s commander, Col. John Skvorak in a memo to staff. According to Science magazine’s blog:

“The memo, which ScienceInsider has obtained, says the standard of accountability that USAMRIID had been applying to its select agents and toxins was not in line with the standard required by the Army and the Department of Defense.”

Translation: “We may have scary, incurable microbes on the loose”. Read more

Let’s Get This Bitch Stimulated

Just a few random thoughts on Barack Obama’s press conference tonight.

1. Joy filled my heart to listen to a President who actually answered the questions posed to him, and who displayed a tight grasp on the difficult issues his leadership must now confront. Cowboy McChimpy could scarcely recall and/or pronounce correctly the names of major world leaders.

1b. Okay, so Barack didn’t quite answer the 1b. posed by Helen Thomas, but he knows better than to admit Israel possesses nuclear weapons.

2. Since when does the Huffington Post earn a spot on the short list  to ask a question during Presidential news conference? Oh right, since Arianna Huffington gave his presidential campaign a virtual media blowjob every day of the race.

3. Anyone want to bet how many times Obama will be asked to clarify a Bideniction over the next four years?

4. I wonder if the Washington Post guy will be scolded for asking a stupid A-Rod steroids question when the President had called the press conference to discuss how the economy is going to shit.

5. It’s a shame he has to remind people that he inherited a $1 trillion+ deficit, a mortgage crisis, major banking failures, and an economic meltdown rivaling the Great Depression.  Yeah, thanks for that, Bush 43.

A Storm Is Brewing in Louisiana Senate Race

Politicians are notorious whores for power, and sometimes they pay real whores for sex.  In my years on the DC social scene, it has become glaringly obvious that those most stridently vocal about their own moral values are often the worst violators of average standards of public decency.

Like Louisiana Senator David Vitter, who has been the customer of at least two prostitution services, despite his attempts to craft a pro-life, anti-evolution, anti-gay marriage God-n-guns public image. 

His exposure in 2007 as a client of DC Madam Deborah Jean Palfrey blew a big hole in that hypocrisy. Soon afterwards, Wendy Cortez, a Louisiana prostitute Vitter had publicly denied knowing when reports of a long-term paid affair surfaced earlier in his political career, admitted that he had been a “regular customer” of hers for years while he was serving in the State legislature.

Sick of the bullshit, a group of citizens are working to recruit an adult film star from Baton Rouge to run against Vitter in his 2010 re-election attempt.  

Meet Stormy Daniels, award winning porn “actress” and star of such classics as The Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre, for which she also wrote the screenplay.

I’m going to go ahead bestow upon her unattributable.com’s endorsement.  At least Louisiana voters can be sure she’s not a lying hypocrite…..

The Bush White House: Style Over Substance

Over the weekend, Momma Dogood had the best response I’d heard to the criticism last week by George W Bush’s chief of staff, Andrew Card, regarding the more informal sartorial stylings of Barack Obama’s White House.

“They clearly weren’t familiar with the idea ‘roll up your shirtsleeves and get to work,’” she said.

Zing…