Category Archives: Today in Crazy

O’Reilly Groping the Darkness for Rockbottom

Every single time Prudence triumphantly declares FoxNews has perpetrated a new level of outrage establishing the bottom rung of the network’s standards of professionalism and decency, Bill O’Reilly finds a creative way to lower the bar even further.
In “Unfair and Increasingly Imbalanced, Chapter XVI,” O’Reilly dispatched one of his top producers to ambush a liberal [...]

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Glenn Beck: Guns Don’t Kill People, Dangerous Minorities Do!

With my beloved Kitty Harris gone from public life, Ann Coulter still shivering from her hellacious beatdown courtesy of Meghan McCain, and Don Imus off with prostate cancer, I despaired as to whom I could turn to when I need some hard-core, uncut, “fuck you, reality” krazy. Fortunately, Fox News did not disappoint me, [...]

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Welcome To PrayPal: Press 1 For Salvation…

Have you ever wanted to get that “please God, let me win my March madness bracket” exhortation up to the Almighty’s ear, but were too lazy to put down the Cheetos and remote control for more than a nano-second?
Well, fret no longer, because we have the answer to your (listless and impious) prayers! It’s called [...]

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Manson: Still Crazy After All These Years

Officials at Corcoran State Prison in California have released a new mug shot of their most famous prisoner. The years may have claimed Charles Manson’s wild mane of black hair, but the swastika carved into his forehead will remain until the skin disintegrates from his rotting corpse.
Since he almost looks like a perfectly harmless old [...]

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Hey Panzer Pope, Excommunicate THIS!

Despite inherent subjective biases, the Dogood family like to think of ourselves as equal opportunity bitches, ready to lampoon and ridicule god-botherers, hypocrites and nutburgers, wherever and whomever they might be. Some might say I have a particular jones for mocking the Roman Catholic Church, an allegation I cannot entirely deny, especially after years of [...]

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The Unintentional Hilarity of the Israeli Lobby

The Zionist Organization of American has termed Ambassador Chas Freeman’s letter criticizing the role of the Israeli lobby in undermining his appointment to the National Intelligence Council “a barely veiled anti-Semitic swipe.”
This comment comes at the end of a detailed atta boy press release ZOA distributed yesterday detailing extensive lobbying the organization undertook and claiming credit for the [...]

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Stem Cells & Torture, Or Comparing Apples To Oranges

Today’s anti-science object of my scorn is William Saletan, the author of Bearing Right: How Conservatives Won the Abortion War, and who, in a new Slate article, Winning Smugly, is pompously warning President Obama, and by extension the American people, that while we may have won the stem cell “battle”, we’re in danger of losing [...]

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Vatican Can Suck on My Dirty Panties

It was only in the past five years that the Roman Catholic Church finally decided women still deserve respect if they choose to work outside the home, so it’s a given the pontiff doesn’t express the most progressive views on the female role in society.
But in its latest affront to feminine dignity, the Vatican has [...]

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Vatican Deems Creationists Ignorant, Boring

A Vatican-sponsored conference on evolution is pissing off people who don’t believe in evolution. Proponents of creationism and its bastard stepchild “intelligent design” are whining that the Catholics didn’t invite them to the five-day Darwin party currently underway in Rome.
One of those idiots from the Discovery Institute, the well-funded spearhead of the inteligence design campaign, [...]

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Little German Girl Schools Creationists Everywhere

Those Euro Commies have a long history of making children’s TV programs that encourage intelligent, youthful thought and socially responsible living, like Sportacus in Iceland, Blue Peter in Britain, and the various Scandinavian shows which discuss topics such as ethics, pollution, global deforestation, animal welfare, etc. 
It’s a pity we don’t have something comparable here, but [...]

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Creationists Just As Crazy in Turkish

In a 2006 study surveying the rates of belief in evolution across 34 advanced nations, National Geographic determined only one surpassed the United States in the proportion of its people who doubt Darwin: Turkey.
A number of cultural and educational factors have hindered Turkey’s intellectual evolution, with one contributing factor including this very wealthy man spearheading [...]

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Mad Mel: Beyond The Jew-Hate And Sugar Tits Scandal

Look out, $cientology, there’s new batshit sheriff in town! Looking disturbingly like a satanic Colonel Sanders, Mel Gibson, real-life Jew-loather, serial on-screen Limey killer, and big budget torture porn director, has reappeared from his self-imposed DUI/Sugar Tits exile to hawk the release of his flick, the Passion of the Christ on DVD!
Hollywood, and America as a [...]

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Get On The (Segregated) Bus

For all their mutual saber-rattling, Iran and Israel have more in common than they’d like to admit. Both are beset by violent, anti-woman “modesty patrols” run by bearded, black-robed, religious zealots, both have a troubling nuclear fetish, both have nutbag politicians calling for the deaths of all enemies internal and external, and both have rather contentious relationships [...]

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Phelps Family Circus Appearing in DC Today

Still nursing their wounds of rejection by the Brits, our favorite self-hating homosexual and his band of merry bigots will be rolling through DC today.
The Phelps Family Circus of Westboro Baptist Church fame will be putting on a show of protest at Taft Memorial Park during the lunch hour, then heading over to Arlington National [...]

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Because Women Are Supposed to Be Taking Care of Children

If US News needs to lay off one more person, please make it the idiot who conceived of this poll asking which daycare you’d choose for your children if you could select between ones run by Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton, or Nancy Pelosi.
In tomorrow’s cutting edge online poll: which of these women would [...]

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Forget Hard Work and Determination: GOD Will Bail Us Out

We don’t need no stinkin’ stimulus package. Forget job creation, propping up failing banks, securing the mortgages, or saving Detroit.  Don’t worry about trying to prevent mass homelessness by keeping people in their homes.
Don’t trouble yourself thinking about ways your own hard work and determination can assist your neighbors and community during these troubled times.
No, [...]

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UK to Westboro Baptist Church: Bugger Off

Prudence wrote earlier this week about plans for a British protest tour by America’s most embarrassing and insensitive religious extremists, the Westboro Baptist Church, led by homophobic self-hating gay in denial, Fred Phelps.
Church members–most of whom are related to Phelps–had apparently planned to make a trip to jolly England to protest a college production of [...]

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Buttar Me This: The Gays Will Destroy America

Only this man can save America from the scourge of interior design, high fashion, and Liza Minelli. Utah State Senator Chris Buttars believes the “radical gay movement,” as he calls it, is “probably the greatest threat to America going down I know of.”
My first question, obviously, concerns who Sen. Buttar thinks America will be going [...]

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She’s Baaaack! Batshit Bachmann Rides Again

Perennial Dogood favorite, Rep. Michele “Batshit” Bachmann, the only true heir to former Florida Representative Kitty Harris’s crown ‘o crazy has returned from obscurity to insert both of her manicured feet into her capacious mouth by boldly stating that “we’re running out of rich people”. [Audio below]
Could that have anything to do with the Republican-sponsored [...]

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Michelle Malkin And Her Swastika Pals

Indeed, gentle reader, your eyes do not deceive you, that really is prejudice-addled Filipino anchor-baby, Michelle Maglalang Malkin mugging for the camera at an anti-immigration rally in Colorado with someone whom Progress Now Colorado has:
“… dubbed “Swastika Guy,” owing to the sign he carried right onto the stage with State Senator Josh Penry, Congressman Mike Coffman, [...]

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Fighting Negative Muslim Stereotypes: Ur Doin It Rong

Aasiya Z. Hassan, 37, the estranged wife of a Muslim television executive, was found dead on Thursday at the offices of Bridges TV in Orchard Park, N.Y., near Buffalo. Mrs Hassan feared for her life after filing for divorce last month from her abusive husband, her attorney stated. She was found beheaded Thursday in his upstate [...]

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Wingy God-Botherers To Rebrand With Cuddlier, Less Hateful Image

Following in the footsteps of other post-fiasco re-branding exercises like those of WorldCom, Voicestream and ValuJet, the shrieky god-botherers also known as the “Moral Majority” are hoping to come across less like the bigoted, anti-civil rights loons they really are, and more like, well, Christians.
“There is an ongoing battle for the vocabulary of our debate,” said [...]

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Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Lone Wolf

Government officials have finally confirmed the accuracy of a report we told you about last month regarding the Obama-hating white supremacist in Maine who possessed a cache of materials appropriate for assembling a dirty bomb.
Of course they’re downplaying the potential danger James Cummings could have posed to the American public.
The Bangor Daily News reports the [...]

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Nation’s Top Bio-Weapons Lab Suspends Ops

USAMRIID, the U.S Army Medical Research Institute for Infectious Diseases at Fort Detrick, MD, is the only place in the American military complex equipped to handle the world’s scariest diseases, namely, those which are incurable and/or airborne.
USAMRIID was also recently in the news as the work place of Bruce Ivins, whom the FBI have determined was [...]

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A Storm Is Brewing in Louisiana Senate Race

Politicians are notorious whores for power, and sometimes they pay real whores for sex.  In my years on the DC social scene, it has become glaringly obvious that those most stridently vocal about their own moral values are often the worst violators of average standards of public decency.
Like Louisiana Senator David Vitter, who has been [...]

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New Life Church Has A History Of Deviant Pastors

It seems I may have been in error in doing the good Christian thing by forgiving Ted Haggard, formerly an evangelical pastor of the New Life mega-church in Colorado Springs, CO who scandalized his community after allegations of meth-use and secretly paying for gay sex over three years came to the fore. Indeed, I went so [...]

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Texas God-Botherers Funded Palin Anti-Troopergate Lawsuit

It would be fair to say that Lady McBush has been on the receiving end of great deal of love from Texas evangelicals. And while they say you can’t put a price on respect, recent revelations from the Anchorage Daily News actually give one an exact dollar amount: $185,000.  
“New state gift disclosures show it cost Liberty [...]

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A Brief Squint At The Altogether Fascinating Quiverfull Movement

It would seem akin to a flock of turkeys getting together to lobby for an early Thanksgiving, but indeed, more than 6,000 women gathered last October in the city of Chicago for the “True Woman Conference ‘08″, which was basically a stadium event to promote what its proponents call “biblical womanhood,” “complementarianism”, or my preferred [...]

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Dick Cheney Predicts Terrorist Destruction of America, Has Lunch

Despite the fact Dick Cheney is no longer in power, it seems nothing can stop him from lying up a perfect storm as Constance recently noted, and fear-mongering madly to any media outlet that will give him the column inches or time of day. In this particular case, it’s the Politico.
I was going to excerpt [...]

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Scientologists Blame Psychiatry for 9/11

The September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks spawned an entire industry of paranoia regarding possible conspirators in the operation.
Among those cited by nutjobs (or dishonest political leaders) as having a role in 9/11: Iraq, Iran, Pakistan’s ISI, Hezbollah, the Bush family, the CIA, the US government, the “New World Order,” the Council on Foreign Relations, the [...]

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Sherriff Joe Arpaio: Triumph of the Ego

Parading shackled prisoners of war through the public square may violate terms of the Geneva Convention, but when it comes to ilegal immigrants under the jurisdiction of Phoenix Sheriff Joe Arpaio, that’s just considered good PR.
That’s why at least one member of Maricopa County’s Board of Supervisors is calling Arpaio’s pre-announced shackled shuffle of shame [...]

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Every Breath You Take, The Google Will Be Watching You

The Google will take another step on its quest for world domination today, releasing a new software feature that will allow people real-time information on the precise location of friends, loved ones, or anyone else with a cell phone who has conceded to the obsessive tracking of their movements.

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Bish, Pls: Nazi Loon Williamson Gets Vatican Do-Over

It seems President Obama isn’t the only world leader having to chow down on a big slice of humble pie today.
According to the UK Guardian, Panzer Pope Benedict XVI has told excommunicated Bishop Richard Williamson that he will have to recant his crackpot beliefs that, variously, there were no incinerators at Nazi concentration camps, “only” [...]

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Under-Medicated Conservative Alert

Having read his Super Bowl post on the EagleForum blog, I think anti-feminist and brewery heiress, Phyllis Schlafly’s kid, Andy Schlafly is off his meds, and I’m not alone.

“Notice how Springsteen skipped his song “Born in the U.S.A.” at the Super Bowl?

 ”Bruce Springsteen is a liberal rock star who sang during the halftime of the [...]

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“What Ovens?” Panzer Pope Forgives Holocaust Denier Bishop

Christ’s Vicar on Earth and leader of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict has, in his infinite wisdom, decided to rehabilitate previously-excommunicated, adamant Holocaust denier, and all-around conspiracy nut-burger, Bishop Richard Williamson. Here he is denying there were ovens and that 6 million Jews died! 

It seems Pope Benedict XVI has decided, possibly as a wink [...]

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Evolution vs Creationism: Part Two


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That’s “Sir” David Attenborough To You, Backward Creationist Cretins

I have often found the Creationist movement willfully ignorant. It’s the same “la-la-la, I can’t hear you” numpty emanating from the anti-vaccine crowd. Or the 9/11 Truther idiots, and assorted other conspiracy morons who believe in “chemtrails”, UFOs, the supremacy of the “Elders of Zion”, or that Laetrile cures cancer (and the nameless yet omnipresent “they” are trying to prevent [...]

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Supreme Court Swats Another ‘Natural Born’ Challenge

“It’s over. The coup is a complete success,” remarks one ignorant conspiracy-minded fool over at the Free Republic upon reading news that the Supreme Court has just rejected yet another legal challenge to Barack Obama’s eligibilty for the Presidency.
Gail Lightfoot, et al V. Bowen, California Secretary of State tried to argue some variation of ‘Obama [...]

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Lipstick on a Pitbull Home Security System

Ward off near-sighted criminals, 2012 GOP presidential hopefuls and liberal trick-or-treaters with this patented ‘Lipstick on a Pitbull’ home security system. No one would dare venture a foot on your property, confused as they’d be by this creepy mannequin dressed to vaguely resemble Sarah Palin.
The Ebay seller, based in Williamsburg, KY, entices potential buyers with [...]

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Ted Haggard Tries To Pray The Gay Away….Again

Remember Ted Haggard? He was the evangelical pastor of the New Life mega-church in Colorado Springs, CO who scandalized his community after allegations of meth-use and secretly paying for gay sex over three years came to the fore. Hot on the heels of his “reformation” and the new HBO documentary covering his time “in the [...]

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