Rep. Broun: No Boobs On Base, Except Me.

The GOP wants America to know that they are not just the party of “no”, they’re also the party of daft and inconsequential legislation! Indeed, a bunch of Republican representatives are seeking to make 2010 the “Year of the Bible”. And it won’t surprise you for a moment to read that the sponsor of this pressing and essential legislation is none other than Rep. Paul “Obama = Hitler/Stalin” Broun (R-GA)!

You may remember, gentle reader, that Mr Broun, scant days after the presidential election, drew national attention when he criticized then President-elect Barack Obama’s call for a civilian national security force, suggesting that Obama might use it to establish a Marxist dictatorship.

In an interview with the Associated Press, Broun said, “That’s exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it’s exactly what the Soviet Union did. When he’s proposing to have a national security force that’s answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he’s showing me signs of being Marxist.” Broun later clarified his statement by saying, “We can’t be lulled into complacency. You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I’m not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I’m saying is there is the potential of going down that road”.”

Broun is also responsible for some other rather hilarious and pointless legislation. Namely:

• H.J.Res. 50: Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States relating to marriage.
• H.Res. 386: Commending the University of Georgia Gymnastics Team for winning the 2009 NCAA National Championship.
• H.R. 227: Sanctity of Human Life Act
• H.R. 1621: Pledge Language is English Declaration and Government Endorsement Act of 2009

However, my favorite Broun-sponsored legislation has to be the “Military Honor and Decency Act“, which bans any and all possible wanking material to military personnel on base. Because when far from home, edgy, under-sexed, and somewhat stressed, it’s perfectly reasonable to make soldiers et al should just hold it all in. Broun sought to not only ban Playboy and Penthouse, but his bill contains language which may make other lad mags like Maxim and FHM verboten to G.I.s. As you can imagine, it was an unpopular move:

“Sgt. Simon Brown, 34, of Daytona Beach, Fla., said men’s magazines build morale. “It’s not all about the pictures, although 80 percent of it is,” he said. Brown deployed to Afghanistan in 2002 and 2005 and is preparing to go to Iraq with the 12th Combat Aviation Brigade this summer. When he was in Afghanistan he was one of the first to pick up a new copy of Maxim or FHM when it came out, he said.

“It would suck if they ban it,” he said. “It’s bad enough we are down there to begin with. Taking that away would be like a knife in the chest. I’m not saying I’m depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps.”

But back to the 2010: Year of the Bible shenanigans. Let’s be frank, it’s something of a no-lose proposition if you’re a powerless god-bothering crazy– if the bill does pass, Broun would be able to trumpet his “strong commitment to the family”, and if it’s voted down, Broun and his fellow sticky-beaked Puritans can lament the atheistic and immoral direction America is headed under President Obama.

And after reading the bill, I discovered that we’re getting suckered:

“Whereas many of our Presidents have recognized the importance of God and the Bible, including… Ronald Reagan, who declared 1983 as ‘The National Year of the Bible’…”

That’s right, kids, we’ve already had a year of the bible! I wonder if we’re going to have a year venerating every other religious text on the planet? Seems fair. Another upside is that we can confidently exclaim every other year to be not the “Year of the Bible”. Come to think of it, the preceding 14 billion years have also been not-bible years, but I digress. Should this daft bill go through, I think, in fairness, we should have a comprehensive bible studies test at the end of the year for all those who voted in favor of it. 

“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.” -Issac Asimov