Let the Swine Flu Conspiracies Begin!

Posted in: Today in Crazy

Members of the Bilderberg Group have been amassing stockpiles of the Tamiflu vaccine in preparation for the deliberate release of this new strain of swine flu.

Known Bilderbergers like George Shultz, Lodewijk J.R. de Vink and former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stand to make hundreds of millions of dollars if the pace of infection sparks a pandemic. Either that, or they want to kill off masses and destabilize the community of nations to finally secure their path to global domination.

Or maybe Obama owns shares in the company with an exclusive patent on the drug that can treat swine flu.  It’s also entirely likely he directly ordered the dispersion of the virus to consolidate his own hold on power by instilling fear in the public. That martial law people have been expecting him to order since inauguration may be the ultimate goal of this Obamanized epidemic policy.  Buy your guns now!!!

However, it could also be a hybrid virus made to order by the WHO and the CDC so that their “boy who cried wolf” scenarios for a worldwide pandemic could be realized.

But you can’t avoid the possibility that illegal Mexican immigrants are doing this on purpose, deciding to wipe out their northern neighbor by carrying a biological weapon across the border.

Most likely, however, Santa Claus is just too fucking sick of having to deliver so many packages on Christmas Eve. The Clauses laid off half of their elvish workers this year because upheaval in the global commodities market has astronomically increased toy production costs.

Rather than disappoint any kiddies next Christmas, Santa has a vested interest in reducing the global population. He must have recently taken a round-the-world jaunt in his sleigh, sprinkling swine flu dust as he flew above the far flung outposts this virus has now infected.

There is no doubt in my mind this theory–neigh, fact–explains how the flu is infecting people who have had no contact with pigs, and in various locations around the world.  Only Santa has that kind of power.

This virus wasn’t created in the labs of the CDC, WHO, or Ft. Detrick–the remarkable creativity of this new strain bears all the hallmarks of Santa’s workshop.  Nothing any supposed “expert” or government official says could change my mind about that.

One Response to Let the Swine Flu Conspiracies Begin!

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