Phelps Family Circus Hilariously Demoted To Side Show Status

Hunter S. Thompson once wrote that, “when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro”, and so it was when six members of the hate-addled, military funeral desecrating, lawsuit-happy Westboro Baptist “Church” traveled to Chicago to vocalize their own special brand of batshittery. They were met by over a hundred UChicago counter-protesters who were anxious to exercise their own First Amendment rights.

The result was the pwning of the Phelps Family Circus, the raising of over $500 for GLBT healthcare, and a seriously awesome time had by all! Well, all bar six. 

In addition to the s’mores stand and hot cocoa station, students and activists also enjoyed some semi-naked bump ‘n grind, courtesy of the Alpha Delta Phi fraternity. Some anti-Phelps protesters brought mocking signs, like this H.P Lovecraft-loving young lady, some came with a more serious message, like “Many Identities, One Community”, while still others handed out flyers informing the masses that “God hates figs”.

According to the Chicago Maroon:

“The students held a sign reading “Figs Doom Nations” and planted themselves across the street from the WBC, drawing from a Biblical passage in which Jesus disparages a fig tree. “If you need scanty biblical evidence for anything, we’ve got it,” said fourth-year Carmel Levy as he handed out flyers containing biblical citations that read: “Jesus rebuked the fig as an evil abomination” and “God Promises Terrible Vengeance Upon Any Fig-Loving Nation.”

However, youthful Biblical scholars weren’t the only ones protesting. Indeed, UChicago’s tech-savvy kids had some religious pronouncements of their own:

“On the eastern side of the quad, students who had been waiting for the group waved signs mocking the WBC’s trademark “God Hates Fags” poster. The signs bore slogans such as “God <3’s internet porn,” “God hates the new Facebook,” and “God hates dial-up.”

However, my favorite anti-Phelps demonstrators were the strapping young lads from Alpha Delta Phi who treated the Westboro Baptist Church to the fraternity’s unique brand of protest, as told through the medium of interpretive dance:

“Alpha Delta Phi fraternity brothers lined their porch in bathrobes, awaiting the arrival of the protesters. When they appeared, the brothers stripped off their robes and began dancing to Diana Ross & The Supremes’ “I’m Coming Out,” Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer,” and the Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men.” The “Tiny Dancer” lyrics “Jesus freaks/out in the streets” elicited a loud cheer from the crowd on the other side of the street.

And here they are, gentle reader, in all their boxer-shorted glory:

WBC spokesnut, Shirley Phelps-Roper, who had earlier treated the assembled anti-WBC protesters to a rousing rendition of “God hates America”, had this to say: “These people think that they have the power, this arrogant nation, to change God. The little girly boys up there with their clothes half off gyrating around-they might as well flip off their god.”

No, Shirley, you daft bint, they were flipping off your god, and all the hateful nonsense you claim he stands for. And as for “girly boys”, I’m sure those Alpha Delta Phi guys know that being secure in your sexuality is hott, whichever way you happen swing.