Gossip, Snark, and Satire Dedicated to Liberty Patriots Fighting for America's Most Glorious Future

Glenn Beck: media personality and consummate loon

With my beloved Kitty Harris gone from public life, Ann Coulter still shivering from her hellacious beatdown courtesy of Meghan McCain, and Don Imus off with prostate cancer, I despaired as to whom I could turn to when I need some hard-core, uncut, “fuck you, reality” krazy. Fortunately, Fox News did not disappoint me, hewing to their storied reputation as cultivators and enablers of only the most paranoiac, unmedicated assbags, they delivered Glenn Beck from his straitjacket of CNN-imposed normalcy and unleashed him upon a waiting world. Indeed, when even fellow Fox Newsers like Bill O’Reilly and Shep Smith think Glenn Beck is utterly unhinged, I know I’ve hit crackpot gold!

I think Madeleine Albright, seasoned international diplomat and America’s first-ever female Secretary of State, had it right when she said succinctly, regarding Glenn Beck, cable news’ fleshy, wild-eyed harbinger of doom: “he’s nuts”. I concur, Madame Secretary! It’s not just Beck’s weird on-air crying jags, or his completely unsubstantiated assertions that there are “FEMA concentration camps” being built by Obama and his fellow one-worlders, indeed, there’s so much more batshittery to embrace. And he has his own show!

Glenn Beck’s latest panty-bunching seizure comes after Missouri law enforcement released a profiling dossier concerning their White supremacist militia problem. The contents of the MIAC study have stirred a storm of controversy in libertarian and right wing blogs– apparently, there are some who didn’t like discovering they had more in common with terrorists than they’d originally thought. Who’d have thought being a racist, heavily armed, anti-government paranoiac with violent end times fantasies could be considered a bad thing?

This is Beck and Penn Jillette discussing MIAC on Beck’s show, and Jillette does a good job of keeping Glenn’s batshittery in check. True, some of the signifiers from MIAC are quite vague, however, it is the amalgamation of many signifiers which is most useful when Missouri law enforcement are seeking to define how dangerous a situation, like a traffic stop, might be for them.

It’s unsurprising to me that the Libertarians aka the Spotty Teenagers party (most freedoms vs fewest responsibilities) are freaked out, but you’d think law-and-order right wingers would be on the side of the police on this one. Surely, helping police ascertain whether or not someone they’ve pulled over, or might need to call upon, may be armed and ideologically pre-disposed to violence would be seen as a good thing? Apparently not, judging by the comments on several blogs. In fact, the MIAC study has caused the usual Obama = Hitler/Stalin/Beelzebub memes to spring up amongst the priggish squeals of online outrage against those well-known tree-hugging peaceniks, the Missouri po-po:

“Lt. John Hotz of the Missouri State Highway Patrol said the report comes from publicly available, trend data on militias. It was compiled by the Missouri Information Analysis Center, a “fusion center” in Jefferson City that combines resources from the federal Department of Homeland Security and other agencies. 

“All this is an educational thing,” Hotz said of the report. “Troopers have been shot by members of groups, so it’s our job to let law enforcement officers know what the trends are in the modern militia movement.”

Which is completely pointless if you agree that white folks with guns are less dangerous than black folks (or those equally scary Hispanics!) as Glenn Beck clearly does. On his show, he stated:

Beck: Let’s put this into perspective here: Our researchers couldn’t find a single report of a single death specifically linked to a militia group, or an individual member of a militia, in over a decade. Yet an average of more than 150 officers die every year nationwide. Have you counted the number of dead police officers in Philadelphia? And militia numbers are reportedly down after the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995 — seems it gave them a bad name. So why are militias getting so much attention from Missouri?

Umm, maybe because some militia members are dangerous crackpots who rob banks, shoot policemen in their homes, and plan racist gun massacres? Oh, and build dirty bombs.